New Year Old Me?

Well another year has dawned. It is 2018 and I am here trying to reflect on the past 365 or so odd days since I had started this little blog. I feel like change is right around the corner; or is this just the sense of hope you get when a new year dawns? When everyone is hopeful for what the future holds. It is times like this that I find myself reflecting on the actions that I have taken, the high points and the darkest depths life had brought me to in that short span of time. Also I am doing this because my friend the Orange, whom I mentioned in the first ever post on this site introduced me to blogging and is responsible for the creation of this blog did the same thing today, coming full circle and by proxy celebrating the anniversary of this little corner on the internet.

When I think of the past year, most of my memories are of the happy moments, the times I had the most laughs, the people I had enjoyed it with, the things that made me warm to the core. As I close my eyes I see it all run by me slowly as I try and recap the highlights of the past 365 days, most recent being the trip I took with my family for new year. I see the excitement and joy I had rekindling my love for sketching when Inktober came by last year, I had drawn so much and loved every single moment of that experience. Speaking of which, I got to fulfill a lifelong dream of attending a PlayStation Experience. It was all I had hoped for and more. From which I met one of the most fantastic person that I have grown close with. I made so many lifelong friends from both my great experience at internship to the events I took part in like the NASA Challenge to the Microsoft Tour and so much more that I can barely remember them all.

I remember the shenanigans my housemates and I would get ourselves into, the endless hours of Destiny I had played with my friends, the work I put into getting into a better shape, trying to live a healthier and more responsible life, and seeing the results of that hard work. There have been so much good to happen in 2017 that one might think it was a flawless year, yet that is not the case. Like any other year, 2017 was also littered with lows in life, and like the happiest moments leave a memory, the saddest ones leave a scar.

Last year was a year of tough decisions, for me and those who surround me. I have broken so many bridges, seen so many of my friends leave to pursue their path in life, including my close housemate, my old friends, new friends from university, crushes and broken hearts. Thinking back I do not think I would change the decisions that I took. Not every right decision will lead to a happy outcome. Sometimes you have to endure the pain to enjoy the pleasures and retrospectively, I think that the decisions I took eventually led me to the state that I am in today, happy and content, though that was not the case at that time. I remember the multiple nervous breakdowns I had during the final weeks of mid semester. Waking up in the middle of the night to cold sweats, stressing over the workload and how it grew bigger and bigger with each passing day. The times I had felt broken due to what others may have done or the fear of anticipating the worst from a person you love.

These were not the greatest of times, yet they were essential. They have made me stronger as a person and I am grateful that I had gone through them, prideful that I persevered even when it looked unrelenting, mindful that these event are what made me who I am today. Personal growth is what I take from any given circumstance and I am happy with the growth I had done this previous year. Not only did I grow more attuned to my emotions but I made great progress in my technical skills. Obviously attending university helps in this aspect I presume but looking back I believe I learnt more from personal learning than anything else. I had learnt almost everything I did in my internship by myself. The assignments and modules that introduced completely new concepts, I was the one who went the extra mile and learn the concepts myself rather than rely on a lecturer who did not bother to teach. I think I have gotten better with art after my Inktober sketching as well as my social skills as a result of me trying to be more outgoing with others.

I do not know how one would go about defining a great year. I find myself thinking the year flying by so quickly that it is hard to remember all the things that happen in that time. Nothing really sticks out, either good or bad, maybe because I try to live and concentrate on the now rather than the past? Maybe I need to find purpose in what I do to make them stand out more within my memories and emotions. Either way last year was not deeply scarring and as a person who went through some scarring times in life, I would call that a win and a great year. Here is to hoping It stays the same this year.

via Daily Prompt: Viable




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