When it comes to time, how many of us really appreciate the value of it? How many of us use the time we have on this Earth to do the things that really matter. On a much smaller scale, how many of us use the time we have in a full day to the best? I know I do not. And recently this has become worse and worse to a point where it has started to cause immense angst within my soul. My procrastination has gone to a point where I would do all of my work in a jiffy rather than spend actual time doing the best that I know I am capable of doing.
Thinking about this now, everything I have done just today itself has been in vain. I had planned on starting on my backlog of assignments that keep piling up with every week. Yet today was the complete opposite. I cannot think of anything I did today that could be considered productive. I had spent most of my time going through chats with my friends, playing video games with my housemates and his friends, watching useless YouTube videos on things I know I will not remember a day from now.
I have tried to dig deeper into the root of this problem and I am always led to the same conclusion. It is my inability to cope with stress. That is not to say that I completely break down under it, on the contrary some of my best work both academically and personally have come through times of immense stress. Yet I know that this is not the best way of doing anything. Things should not be left for the last second to be done in a jiffy, it should be done with patience and accuracy.
Leaving everything for the last second have come to bite me in the back more than once. I remember a time during my freshman year in university when I had left a major assignment for the last second. I was typing away in the car while my teammate drove us to the university for the hard-copy submission that was due in 15 minutes. Even after knowing that we would completely fail that module if we were even late by 1 minute, we had decided to do it the last second. Luckily we were able to submit it (though technically we were late by 6 minutes but the person at the counter was really kind).
The clouds over my head now are grey. They foretell of a time, sooner than later, of where I will crash and burn to the ground. When the stress will come to a point where I would not be able to handle it anymore. I need to get a grip with reality as soon as possible. I need the clouds to fade away and bring peace and order back to my daily routine. I long to see the clear blue skies that is my conscience once more. With the rise of sun to a new week, I hope my determination will get me to the end of this journey, I hope that I can finally settle everything that I have been piling up for the past couple of months, I hope that this living nightmare would finally end with the dawn of a new day.
Until then I shall remind myself to keep myself from slipping. I shall remind myself to not waste the precious time that I have been given. I shall remind myself of the sacrifices both myself and others have gone through to get me to the place I am today. With this knowledge I hope to keep the dark clouds at bay indefinitely. With a bit of luck and perseverance, I know that I can
“So don’t push me ’cause I’m close to the edge, I’m trying not to lose my head” Grandmaster Flash
via Daily Prompt: Jiffy