Lost for Lust

Within this journey that we call life, we all face experiences that leave a mark on our souls. Things that brought us joy and happiness that it left you feeling overwhelmed. Experiences that made you clutch your heart for your soul, wishing that it would end eventhough reality would not let it. When I saw my housemate in such a situation last week, it brought me to think of all these experiences that leave scars in our hearts hut more specifically the times of loss, love and lust.

I myself have not gone through such a relationship as that of my housemate. Yet I can say that to some extend I have felt its effect on me aswell. When you live in the same house as them, you can know a multitude of things qbout a relationship. I have been there since the first day they had met. I have seen the eyes that sparkled with hope and love. I have felt the connection they had with each other when they were happy together. Yet I have also seen these same eyes turn from love to hate and anger, having me intervene in numerous fights to stop it from escalating. It is true that I felt that they would not work out in the long run but as a friend of both parties, I hoped against hope that it would.

With all said and done here I was, two years later sitting at my couch with my housemate, crying his heart oit in equal parts of sadness and anger. It has been almost 4 months since they had broken up, granted they had been “breaking up” every other month throughout the past tow years, this felt real. This felt final. This was all the more solidified when I was told that his girl was to leave the city for good in the coming days.

I am not the best person when it comes to communication with others, especially in a situation such as this, but I tried my best to empathise with what he was feeling. He hold me that everything he would do reminded him of the best of what they had. The times when they had cooked together. The times they celebrated each other. There seemed not escape from these ever recurring memories. What might have felt like best days of his life back then are now hauntings of a nightmare that seemed would never wake from.

He would try to justify the fights that he had, yet I could feel that they were not sincere, not even to himself and finally admitting his faults and his partners through retrospect. From the two years that I had spent orbiting their bubble, living in the same space, I have seen first hand how explosive relationships can get. Their voices raise to levels so high that everyone can hear. Their actions so dangerous that it would create collateral damage.

Loving someone so much yet knowing that you cannot be together must be painful. He had realised that they were not compatible for each other and still his love stood strong. It must take real strength to let go of someone like that; someone you know you love now and forever but also know that you are not compatible for each other.

After spending several hours till the break of dawn listening and trying to understand all the complex emotions that were running through his brain that night, from all the things he said, one thing stuck to me the most, “Love is responsibility”. Even after our conversatioms, that was the thing that was stuck in my mind for the rest of the day, until I had drifted to sleep.

The more I had thought about it the more it made sense. When you love someone so dearly you feel responsible for that person. You would do whatever you can to make the others dreams come true. You are responsible for each other. It also means that one must also take responsibility for the actions that you take in a relationship. The mistakes you make must be owned up to.

Though it may be too late for my housemate to repair whats broken, through his experiences he has learnt alot. People dont talk much about relationships in life. They expect you to learn from your own experiences. Talking with him has opened my eyes to the depths of a long term relationship.

via Daily Prompt: Lust

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